Monthly Archives: March 2011

More international games and a quick glance at the Arsenal Reserves

The tales of my bruised fingers may be regarded as cliché but I’m happy to say that my fingers are in optimum operating pinging, grabbing and writing condition. After a long day at the office I came home on time to watch Nigeria’s friendly against those Masais. A young mallam scored Nigeria’s opener as early as the 3rd minute. Everton’s Anichebe scored the type of goal that Shegs Okoro scores in the Nigerian football comic known as Supa Strikaz. Ike Uche finished the tie off with an angry finish. I called it an angry finish because he slammed the roof of the net with “anger”.

SuperSport offered a wide range of matches to choose from.

I started with the France-Croatia friendly. I saw Nasri wearing a very fine white horizontally striped jersey but there was no armband on his left hand. That pissed me off a bit so I tuned to the channel that was showing the England-Ghana game. 33AsaGyan was in the thick of things in the match being a handful for the England defense. England’s goal was made in Birmingham and was finished in Liverpool.

Young and Downing linked up well to tee WWE’s Edge who in turn blasted a low drive past Blackpool’s Kingson. When the ref blew the halftime whistle, I tuned to the channel showing the match between the Netherlands and Hungary. I was in a slight trance when I saw the scoreline at that exact point in time. Netherlands 1 Hungary 2. I also noticed that Ruud boy van Nistelrooy was the lone striker on the pitch. That made me fear for the worst.

That Chiellini moment

I thought that rVp had suffered another Chiellini moment but after surfing the net I found out that he was replaced at halftime after scoring on the 13th minute. At least his bones were intact.

The Dutch got their equalizer from Boy Genius Wesley. He had a fortunate one-two with some Hungarian bloke before slotting the ball sweetly past Fulop. That one-two was a quick reminder about the one-two Silvestre did with that little Wizard. Mr. Dick Stamina was shown with a swollen eye but that ox kept on playing. BarcAlien newbie Afellay tracked back to win the ball close to the corner flag. He then went on an amazing run, skinned many blokes before sending a lovely crossfield ball to Mr. Dick Stamina. Kuyt controlled the ball then squared it to Ruud boy who wasted no time in finishing the ball with a first time shot. That was his 35th goal in his 70 appearance for the Oranje.

That meant that he had joined the Monsieur 50/50 club that is headed by Juninho Pernambucano. There’s a legend which says that the bearded Brazilian scored a goal in every 2 free kicks he played. Fool-ham’s Gera scored an emphatic finish to level the tie at 3-3 but Mr. Dick Stamina turned on the screw with 2 brilliant late goals.

Wait……this is an Arsenal blog not some Dutch football article. Bleeeeh.

Mr. Dick Stamina’s first was a technically accurate finish from a neat cross by Afellay but his second was more or less a classy fluke because he chipped the goalie from quite some distance even though the ball was meant for Ruud boy.

Mr. Dick Stamina was denied any chance of a hattrick when he was replaced by a Mohican. There was even time for the cameramen to show the fans Dutch legends like Frankie Rijkaaie Frankie and Marco van Bastard.

When the thrilling encounter was over, I tuned to the channel that showed the England-Ghana game. Wilshere was replaced by the exciting winger Matt Jarvis. The Flour Mill-ner hacked down 33AsaGyan deliberately from behind but he received a yellow when I expected red. There was a lot of ceremony before the free kick but 33AsaGyan killed a bird with the resulting free kick. There was even time to introduce Ghanaian-born Welbeck but 33AsaGyan got what his persistence deserved by scoring the equalizer right on the death. He made Ghanaian mince meat out of that Man City defender that was struck by Lord Voldemort when he was young, opened himself up then placed the ball with his left foot.

Arshavin’s Motherland Russia went to the Middle East to play World Cup 2022 hosts Qatar with the weather having the same boiling point with water, 100oC. They scored first and hit Akinfeev’s bar 1 million times but AA23 gave an assist to Twitch FC’s Pavlychenchenchenko whose finish leveled the tie at 1-1.

In the city of Prague, Czech captain TR7 was pulling all the g-strings in midfield in the game against Lichtenstein. Czech Republic got off to a flyer when TR7 gave an assist to Sami Khedira who finished with style. I meant Milan Baros.

Wald Bezt B52 played for the Danes n their 2-1 friendly win over Slovakia.

All Arsenal players involved in international duty tonight didn’t have their fingers cut from ceiling fans. Thank Heavens.

There was a time when I believed that Wenger would never go back to his vomit in terms of re-signing players that have left the club.

Sol Campbell trained with the club, we re-signed him; David Beckham trained with the club, we let him go (duh); Thierry Henry trained with the club, he went back; Mad Jens trained with the club, we re-signed him. Out of the blue comes former gunner reject Jeremie Aliadiere.

Since a club like Middlesbrough could still release his ass after all the goals he scored for them against us, you’ll tend to wonder about the cruelties that come with football. He told the media Vultures that he’s confident that AW the Alchemist will re-sign him IF he decided that Arsenal needs another striker.

It’s always good to dream the dream once in a while but I don’t see Mr. Ali wearing the Arsenal jersey anytime soon. We know that he’s French but his services are not needed in a club like Arsenal. We should remember that Wald Bezt B52 cries once in a while, we also have an Aztec Warrior that’s currently plying his trade in WBA.

Arsenal's chipper-in-chief, the Aztec Warrior

Aliadiere was the lone striker when Neil Banfield’s reserves played against WigWig. There was no way I could watch the game so I followed the events of the game through Twitter.

This game was Aliadere’s first game in 8 months so he was the R in rusty. Miquel got a red card in the 20th minute for a professional foul even though it seemed as if Daniel Boateng was on the same line with the Arsenal reserves captain. The stadium was typically quiet but Mad Jens kept shouting at players that were less than half his age.

Mad Jens in action

Mad Jens had to contend with a lot of crosses from the flanks and tricky back passes from the defense. In the 36th minute, Mad Jens produced a super save that rolled back the years. This tweet will explain it better.

“@YoungGunsBlog:  Superb save from Lehmann to deny Rugg again. Only a YARD out, but the 41-year old showed great reactions to keep it out”

On his day, Mad Jens can be very exceptional but he’s also very eccentric. If AW the Alchemist was delighted for seeing that super save, the next “act” by Mad Jens would have been the Scene 1 Act 1 for the movie: Jens Lehmann mojo series.

Let me write it down in the exact way I got it from a column.

“As the half appeared to be petering out, a hair-raising moment for Lehmann and Arsenal nearly resulted in a freak goal for the hosts. There seemed no danger when Hajrovic rolled a tame back-pass Lehmann’s way and, just like Paul Robinson did that time in Croatia, he missed his kick after the ball took a horrible bobble. The whole ground gasped as, seemingly in slow motion, the ball trickled goalwards. Thankfully for Lehmann, it would roll inches, make that centimetres, wide of the right post.”

Mad Jens Lehmann, eccentricity at its best.

WigWig opened the scoring in the 53rd minute from a bloke that shares the same name with Liverpool legend McManaman. It was a simple close range finish that Lehmann could do nothing about.

Mad Jens was caught in the middle of nowhere when Wigan built up another nice attack. Boateng cleared the ball off the line to spare Lehmann’s blushes.

With 7 minutes left to play, a Wigan youngling that shares the name with construction company John Holt put the game beyond doubt by dribbling Mad Jens when he was one-on-one to play the ball into an empty net. His first name is Joe not John.

Arsneal’s Rhys Murphy converted a spot kick in the 90th minute but it was too little too late for the Reserve Gunners as the game ended in a defeat that brings Arsenal Reserve League title hopes to an end. That’s not surprising. The Arsenal Reserves can’t win the title, the Arsenal first team is still hopeful for the title while the Arsenal Ladies…….

From what you’ve read above will you start Mad Jens against Blackburn? Dunno about you, but I’ll stick to the Devil I know.

In other news, Arsenal has opened an academy in ancient Greece. There we will train the descendants of Leonidas, Odysseus, Agamemnon, Hector and Achilles. The name Achilles doesn’t bring any fond memories because it’s holding our star defender captive.

The section of the media Vulture association known as the daily mail say that we want Germany’s shot stopper Manuel Neuer. Even if I know how good he is, the name Manuel isn’t in our good books right now.

England U-21 manager Stuart Pearce says that he’s taking the Whizkhid to Scandinavia in the summer for the European U-21 Championships. I guess that there’s nothing we can do about it but we could try and ask Chelsea’s Nneka the Bald what he told the arsecrater Domenech. That way Wilshere can say the same thing to Pearce, book his early ticket back to London, get an 18-match ban from the U-21’s then officially retire as an Under 21 player.

I don’t know if I’ll describe this write up as Tuesday’s late post or Wednesday’s early post. The bottom line is that the next post will come on Thursday.

I’ll end today’s post with a factual tweet about the Arsenal.

“@AAllenSport: Arsenal vs Blackburn is the last time the Gunners will play on a Saturday this season. (9 games left: 1 on Saturday, 7 on Sunday and 1 on Wednesday”

This means that gooners in Abuja can come to Silverbird Cinemas to watch a movie or two on Saturdays without having our dear ol’ Arsenal in mind.

While you at it, feel free to buy a thing or two at Anan World. It’s on the ground floor.

Ensure that you keep your fingers away from ceiling fans, it hurts like Hell.


Transfer bullcrap, Clichy whines, the Whizkhid loves international football and Fabio Hitler

The fingers on my left hand went through another fitness test this morning. It was the kind of fitness test you only see in Utopia and Shangrila. A sexy blonde nurse called me up and told me to sit down on the comfy leather seat. I did that. I had a fantasy fitness test in my crazy mind.

In my Twitter account @enigma106 I have a favourite tweet that I saved from a buddie of mine known as @aykemoore

“@aykemoorexxx: Q: Why is it that 90% of girls have their left boob bigger than the right? A: Because 90% of boys are right handed”.

I expected the lovely voluptuous nurse to tell me that I should use my left fingers to feel her tits to see if they are fit enough but she gave me 15 pairs of dusty black shoes to polish as if I was an elf. I woke up to realize that the fitness test took place in my dreams.

Now that April is around the corner, many teams will start sniffing the butts of the teams they want to buy players from. Juventus are hot on the trail of World Cup goalkeeping finalist Maarten Stekelunburg but the goalie says that his preferred destination is London.

Sorry to disappoint you Maarten but I think our goalkeeping eggs have been laid in a Red and White basket from Poland. Besides, we are the Red and White so it makes a whole lot of sense. Better get your Dutch arse to Delle Alpi in Turin because Buffon gets injured more than Cattermole gets red cards.

Resident Evil’s Belgian BioHazard of Eden might be up for grabs this summer like the T-Virus from LOSC Lille Metropole. AW the Alchemist is known to be an admirer of the young BioHazard but I think he might cost a fortune because of his age. I wouldn’t mind us purchasing a player like the BioHazard because we know that Arsenal FC is an injury prone squad. He’ll definitely get his chance to shine.

BioHazard of Eden...The "Nemesis" of football

The BarcAliens have been told that they can get Arsenal’s Clark Kent for £43m. I still feel that £43m is quite small for a player of Fabregas’ caliber. If a craphole like Man City’s Flour Mill-ner can command a fee of £30m, how much more a star like El Capitan. They are a broke ass lot so I feel that Fabregas will stay with us till we suck his blood dry. If we win the Premier League he might be tempted to stay but if we go trophyless again I don’t see us keeping him.


Madrid boss Jose Moaninho says that he was just hours away from taking the England job in 2007 before declining. Like we fucking care.

As I wrote in my post on the 17thof March, Moaninho is a managerial prostitute. I’m pretty sure that if he goes trophyless with Madrid this season, he’ll probably resign then carry his glittering CV to the shores of England crying to clubs like Man Utd or Man City saying, “I am Moaninho the Special moaning one. I’ve never lost at home since the days Napoleon ruled France and I won’t still lose till after Brazil hosts the World Cup. Hire me please. :)

The boss of England has sent some players back home like King Leonidas in 480 BC before fighting the final battle of Thermopylae to the Persians.

I don’t think captain Terry J looked back like Dilios but the media Vultures are now making a big fucking fuss about the player that would wear the armband against Ghana in tomorrow’s friendly against Ghana. I think I have the perfect solution for such media tomfoolery.

Fabio Hitler

Fabio Capello should wear the captain’s armband like the Nazi dictator in the picture above. He can even choose between Adolf Capello or Fabio Hitler. I feel that Fabio Hitler sounds better. I’ve always searched for a nick for the English national team boss and I’ve come to a stop. Fabio Hitler.

Most people think that tomorrow’s friendly is pointless but Fabio Hitler will probably use it as an opportunity to give other players a run out. I’ll glue my eyes to my 42” flat screen tomorrow evening when England takes on Ghana. Even though I’m a proud Nigerian, I take delight in watching the Black Stars play. Let’s go back to last year’s football fiesta in South Africa. They were paired with Serbia, Australia and heavyweights Germany while Nigeria was paired with the short Argies, Chin ko Republic and that Spartan team that have players whose names end with S. They did Africa proud by qualifying for the quarter finals after knocking the Yankees out. They were a foot away from the semis but were denied by the canny mischievousness of Uruguayan national hero Suarez. They still had the perfect opportunity to book their ticket to the semis but that makossa dancing wankhammer called 33AsaGyan let the continent of Africa down by missing his spot kick from 12 yards.

Jack Wilshere wasn’t among the English players that were sent home. This means that the Whizkhid may be in line to continue his international fledgling career. Wilshere says that he wants to play in the U-21 European Championships that will take place in the summer

I admire Wilshere’s drive but it’s his youthful exuberance that is driving him to make such a decision. He has to remember that he’s human. He also has to recall that he’s now considered as a senior team player. If a player has 99 U-21 caps in Football Manager, it automatically changes to 1 cap when he makes his senior team debut. The 99 U-21 caps won’t be counted anymore.

Finally, Wilshere has to understand that he’ll suffer a burnout when he returns to the Arsenal squad. The 2007 Copa America cost Gilberto Silva his place in the squad because he complained to AW the Alchemist that he was fatigued. The Flanimal stepped into Gilberto Silva’s shoes in the midfield and forged a great understanding with Fabregas. Wilshere should remember that Sylvester Stallone or Rambo is lurking around the corner to win his place back in the squad so he can go to the U-21 European Championship at his own peril.

The media Vultures claim that Gael Clichy is frustrated that he has lost his place to Monsieur Tuck-in Evra.

The last time I checked, it was never Clichy’s in the first place. International football is a lot different from club football. The manager of the national side picks his team for different reasons.

He might pick his squad based on player reputation. Cassy Casillas is the best keeper in Spanish football. He broke into the national side after Andoni ZubiZubiZubiZubiZubi decided to hang his gloves. There was nothing Canizares, Cesar Sanchez, Valdes, Reina, De Gea can do about it. I forgot to add Almunia, I’m sure that he can be placed there somewhere.

Other managers pick squads based on personal preference. Most national team managers that have their children playing professional football would give them preference in that position. When Zlatko Kranjcar was the manager of Eduardo Dudu Composure and Luka Luka’s Croatia, he handed a debut to his young son Niko. Vladimar Weiss Snr of Slovakia gave his son Vladimar Weiss Jnr an automatic World Cup slot even if he was enjoying Reserve football in Man City.

But there are some managers that are really senseless. What can you say of a manager that made a midfield legend like Riquelme retire before his time? A manager that stripped the national team captaincy from a player that has served the country since 1994 to hand to a midfielder that has only 2 Olympic medals to his name. I thought that he’ll be foolish enough to give it to his son-in-law. A manager that felt that a treble winner like Cambiasso wasn’t good enough to make the 23-man squad that was to travel to South Africa. He found his footballing demise in the hands of the effective German Machines. There’s also another cuntbutling manager that felt that Nasri, Benzema and the Flanimal were not good enough from his squad. A manager that’s responsible for Nneka the Bald getting an 18-match ban. Unlike the previous manager I wrote about, this one didn’t even make it past the first hurdle that included teams like Uruguay, Mexico and the hosts South Africa.

Let me give Clichy a brief history lesson on the left back position of the Les Bleus. His lucky that he’s not on Twitter; I would have forwarded this section of my blog to him.

The left back for the French team in the 1998 World Cup they hosted was Bixente Lizarazu @ 28. Lizarazu @ 30 was the left back in Euro 2000 at Holland and Belgium. Lizarazu @ 32 was the left back at the 2002 World Cup in Korea and Japan. In Euro 2004 at Portugal, Lizarazu was 34 so he was usurped by BeansHead Silvestre @ 26. Silvestre’s stint as the first team left back lasted for only 2 years because he was usurped by Abidal @ 26 in the 2006 World Cup in Germany. Abidal @ 28 was the left back in Euro 2008 in Switzerland and Austria. Monsieur Tuck-in Evra @ 28 usurped Abidal in last year’s World Cup in South Africa.

I'm faster than Monsieur Tuck-in.....i'm supposed to be there not him

I have one word for Clichy… “Wait you fucking turn or go to the Ivory Coast and ask Drogba for the Shevchenko-Pizarro-Torres potion”

That’s all for today.


A tale of Mad Jens, the Whizkhid and others

My Sunday kicked off on a very horrible note with 3 fingers on my left hand getting badly bruised by a fan in my sister’s house but the fact that you can read this post shows that God was merciful enough to let my fingers remain on my hand. The fan was really fast. Perhaps it’s more or less a tale for the kids.

I’m pretty sure that the technician that set up that fan must probably be a short motherskunker because at 6’ 2” my fingers are not supposed to be cut by a ceiling fan. It’s a ceiling fan for fuck’s sake. Thank Heavens all the same.

I’ll start with Sunday’s international round up. Brazil and Scotland graced our home ground with their samba and William Wallace like football respectively. Santos wonderkid Neymar scored a brace. I guess that’s going to increase his bill a bit because we know that the Cashlings are hot on his trail.

There was a tweet I read about Neymar.

“@VikramGooner: Neymar is the 133rd player that has been labeled as the “future Pele”

In one word….hilarious. I didn’t even know that there were 132 other players that were labeled as the next Pele but I’m pretty sure that Denilson won’t be in that league. He’s a midfielder by the way.

Wald Bezt B52 played all 90 minutes for Denmark in the 1-1 draw against Norway. I guess all that talk about his ankle injury has been quelled. Farmer Eboue planted some crops with the Drog Man and the other Ivorians before playing Benin Republic. They actually played the home match in Accra because of the political unrest going on in their homeland. We wouldn’t want to see another case of African gunmen shooting at a bus again after witnessing that disgraceful event in January 2010 that forced players like Emmanuel Greedybayor to quit the international scene.

Mad Jens joined us from Dortmund in 2004. He was between the sticks when we went on that unbeaten campaign in the same year. He also excelled for us in our continental tournaments in 2006 but wasn’t too convincing in the league. I can still remember that soft goal he conceded against Wigan on the final day of that season from a free kick. The bloke’s name was Thompson or so. Henry was the star of the show with his brilliant hattrick.

King Henry kissing the turf after scoring the final hattrick in Highbury

5 years on, Mad Jens told the media Vultures that our defense was the reason he was sent off in Paris. He said that he scythed Eto’o down outside his box because he wasn’t used to conceding in the Champions League.

Red card on a final.......ain't that a biatch

I don’t think our defense was at fault for his red card. Ronaldinho was in the form of his life that year. That through pass was like hot knife through butter although I was wishing that the ref allowed Giuly the Imp’s effort to stand. That’s old news by the way. We all know how Lehmann’s Arsenal career went after that year.

The media Vultures say that Mad Jens is in line for a reserve game ahead of Arsenal’s game against Blackburn. Even if I don’t watch Reserve League football, I would love to see how Lehmann would fare. I know that there’s a major difference between Reserve football and Premier League football but I feel that the main target here is to give the 41-year old some match fitness.

John Lukic says, “Picking Jens for a Premier League game would be a massive RISK. Imagine a goalie who has been sidelined for 8 months with an injury, would you pick him after a comeback from reserves”

I agree with Mr. Lukic to an extent but we have to remember that Almunia is a walking time bomb. He has done the cock-up double against West Brom. Let’s remember that his best performance this season was in Ewood Park in August so I hope that he does a better double against them. I believe that AW the Alchemist will give him one more chance to prove to the World that he’s not a cuntbutler but another calamitous performance will make everyone jump to the Lehmann bandwagon.

We are 5 points behind Man Utd with only 9 games so there’s no more room for fucking error. Let’s hope that the mid-April target for Szczesny becomes a reality. At least we have Blackburn, Blackpool and Liverpool. That’s what I said about West Brom.

England’s boss had some sweet words for the Whizkhid. His formation against Wales was different from the conventional 4-4-2 we see England play in recent years. He played 4-3-3 with the rich Roo-Thug and Young on the wings while the midfield triumvirate was Parker, Lampback and our Whizkhid. It was still enough to get maximum points against Ramsey’s army.

He says, “It’s a normal performance for him but it is incredible how much he has improved in a short space of time. The performance of this player this season has been incredible. He plays like a player who is 28 or 29 years old 45 caps. I hope there is more to come. A good player is always improving”

I’ve run out of superlatives for Jack Wilshere. He has been a phenom for us this season. At the age of 19 he has already cemented his place in the squad for years to come. Ramsey knows the only way to shrug off the Whizkhid challenge is to be extremely outstanding when he’s asked to do his job on the pitch.

I would really love to see Wilshere and Ramsey play together in that holding role while a player like Nasri or TR7 will be ahead of them. The Arsenal engine room will definitely run at optimum performance. We all know that Song will have an edge above the 2 young lads in terms of selection because it’s his natural position but AW the Alchemist has the final say.

Speaking of AW the Alchemist, the media Vultures say that he has a few words for Wilshere due to some off field events that took place. It’s worth a read.

So after the 1st full round of international matches, no Arsenal player’s fingers have been cut by ceiling fans, heads smashed and balls busted. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for the games that take place on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Sorry about the lateness of today’s post.

My fingers had to pass a late fitness test.




Does Arsenal lack leaders?

If you have been a reader of Gooner Daily since its inception in November 2010, you would notice that @enigma106 is a fervent lover of statistics. This is my 100th post published and it will definitely go down as one of my personal favourites. I’ll also use this opportunity to send a shout out to you, my esteemed readers.

Thanks a zillion. :)

Yesterday saw the first set of international games take place. All the Arsenal players involved didn’t have their limbs broken, balls smashed or hamstrings tweaked and twanged.

Nasri captained Les Bleus for the first time while fucktards like Monsieur Tuck-in Evra where around. Everybody expected a rout but we the neutrals where disappointed. Ribery, Malouda and Evra were very peripheral like I gave a fledgling fuck. Sagna did his thing on the right while Clichy enjoyed 90 minutes of good bench time with the remaining 6 Frenchies because like the game between Arsenal and Leyton Orient at Brisbane Road, the gaffer of the away side didn’t make any change. Nasri led by example by supplying an assist for the opening goal for the Frenchies. The best part of the assist was that it made Phillippe Mexes break his international goal scoring duck.

rVp wasn’t the leader of the Oranje that demolished Hungary away but he was very influential in the game. He gave an assist for Mr. Stamina and scored a goal himself to round up an amazing display. At least he went through the game unscathed. The Hungarians visit the Amsterdam ArenA on Tuesday so I hope that rVp’s tender ligaments and glass bones will still be intact when the ref blows his whistle at full time.

TR7 led his Czech team to planet Krypton to play that Alien lot known as Spain. We all know that the Spanish national side can be regarded as Aliens because their squad is infested with that BarcAlien lot from Catalunya. A blonde Czech bloke fired a sweet long range effort to put TR7’s army in pole position for a shock win but a late brace from the clinically profligate David son of Villa handed all 3 points to the SpanAliens.

Today, the English national team will be hosted by Wales in the magnificent Millennium stadium. I thought I also say that when I’m talking about Wembley. The captain of the Welsh national said a few words to the media Vultures.

He says, “Ever since I was a boy I wanted to become a professional footballer and to captain my country and this day has come and it’s a very special moment for me and my family. My mum and dad put in many miles and time to help me get where I am today so I’d like to thank them. I feel over the moon and honoured to be captain of my country at such a young age. It was a bit of a surprise but a very nice one. Hopefully now I can lead by example in the way I play. We know as a team what we’re capable of doing and we’re going to go into the game thinking that we can do something in this game and get a positive result”

Premier League legend and new Welsh manager Gary Speed had this to say, “I thought about what is best for the team going forward. I spoke to Aaron before making the decision and told him there were certain responsibilities and duties that would go with it, and to see if he was happy with it. I’m delighted and he was really happy. I made the decision because I thought it was best for the team and the future of the team”.

Some pundits and cuntholes alike were skeptical about the decision of Gary Speed to appoint 20-year old Ramsey as the national team skipper. They can feel free to fuck themselves for all I care. As they always say, “In a team, the manager’s say is FINAL”.

Even if England got the bragging rights against their neighbours, a lot of positives can be taken from the Arsenal point of view. Arsenal Whizkhid Jack Wilshere had a good run out. He gave 2 sumptuous through balls to The Bent One but the goal hungry predator wasn’t fast enough to reach the ball at both occasions. He also did a neat one-two with the rich Roo-Thug before passing the ball to the ex-girlfriend shagging captain who killed a bird with his proposed cross. He was substituted for Downing in the 81st minute.

Ramsey on the other hand put up a commanding performance for Wales. I feel that he had the same amount of passes with Wilshere, West Ham’s Spidey Peter Parker and the Lampback of NotreDame put together in the first half. He misplaced some passes though. That back heeled pass he gave the fastest British foul mouthed dwarf delighted the fans even if the attack led to nothing. In the second half, Ramsey sent a defense breaking through ball for the lone striker Steve Morrison but the striker wasn’t in the same wavelength with his captain. Ramsey then created a scoring opportunity for himself but his shot went over. He was faced with England’s captain Terry J. Instead of marking the young lad, Terry decided to show Ramsey his number without Ramsey asking him.

The record books have not been favorable towards the Welsh. In 99 games played against their British rivals, the Welsh have managed a meager 14 wins with the last being in 1984. England had won 64 games before today.

At the end of 90 minutes, England was the victor with 2 goals to the good. After missing out of Arsenal football for 9 months and Welsh national team football for 16 months, Captain Rambo put up a good performance for his country. I’ll probably as @Orbinho to give me the amount of passes Ramsey sprayed in the game because if the amount of passes Ramsey sprayed was equivalent to an insecticide, the insects present in the Millennium stadium would be dead. At least I didn’t write magnificent this time.

In the other parts of the World, AA23 captained Motherland Russia in the bore draw against Armenia.

At least he was their “leader”.

The Leaders

The picture above needs to be seen by pantomime villain Denilson Perreira Neves who said that Arsenal lacked leadership.

Andrei “AA23” Arshavin, Tomas “TR7” Rosicky, Thomas “Verminator” Vermaelen and Aaron “Rambo” Ramsey are currently the skippers of their national sides.

When Cassy Casillas, Junkie Puyol and gutter mouth Xavi decide to enter a portal to the spectral realm and stay there forever, El Capitan might be considered to be the Spanish capitan. If Laurent Blanc feels that Nasri did enough against Luxembourg to be his captain, he will make it “official”. Nasri should also remember that if he’s elected as the permanent captain of France, there’ll be a time when he’ll use his hands to provide an assist for his teammate in the 119th minute of that certain game. What’s the worst that could happen? A one match fucking ban while he gets his national hero status like Luis Suarez against Ghana.           I also forgot to write that Nasri can use his hand to stop the ball from entering the goal like the African Uruguayan heart breaker. rVp also looks like a player who might be in line for the Dutch leadership role in the not too distant future.

As my headline and the picture “say”

Does Arsenal lack leaders?

I think not.

Denilson, if you are not cool with it feel free to join the experienced Gilberto Silva in Panathinaikos. I won’t give a leprechaun’s pot of Gold.

If you don’t like the Greek effect, heed to my earlier advice and go to Arsenal di Sarandi, Arsenal Montevideo or Arsenal Kiev. I even heard that there’s an African club side called Arsenal Ghana.

Brazilians are regarded as football exports, be the first to grace the Gold coast called Ghana. You’ll probably be the highest paid and will be given the captain’s armband. That way you can be the leader J

All thanks to Tomasz for putting this picture in my BlackBerry Messenger group, Team Goonerdaily.

He was the inspiration behind my 1st blog post on the 26th of November.

He’s also the inspiration behind my 100th.

I sincerely hope he’ll be there when I publish my 1000th post.

To Tomasz

Or Bobby Chiagozie Agulanna as he’s known in the real World.



Rambo wants to fight back, Chambered Ox linked again and B52′s injury not as bad as we feared

Friday has come upon us again even if we know that there’ll be no Arsenal match tomorrow. It’s really amazing how time flies. Yesterday we were watching the World Cup; today we have reached the home stretch in the Barclay’s Premier League. As pre-season favourites, Man Utd has lived up to the media Vulture hype and is currently at the summit of mount Premiership. Another team that was supposed to be at the top is Chelsea FC or the Cashlngs as I prefer to call them. Let’s not forget that oil rich lot called Man City.

With 9 games to go, Man Utd is 1st with 63 points. The team next to them has no blue pigment in their jersey as expected by the media Vultures in August. It’s Arsenal FC.

I want to apologize for not writing any blog post yesterday. I also want to apologize to @davicky1 for doubting him when he informed us in Team Goonerdaily that B52 was injured.

B52 injured his ankle in training with his national team in Scandinavia. The major positive is that his ankle wasn’t destroyed by the pitch and he might be in line to feature for the Danes against Norway. If he’s good enough to play for Denmark, he’ll be good enough to play for the Arsenal on the 2nd of April when we take on Blackburn.

Our players have this knack for getting injured when they play for their national teams. rVp has been the chief suspect in recent times. Walcott suffered a nasty ankle injury when England played Montenegro on the 12th of October. Vermaelen also suffered that Achilles injury when he represented Belgium in September.  Let’s just hope that our key players return unscathed because we can’t afford more injuries.

The first round of matches take place today and tomorrow so let’s keep our fingers crossed. Wankhammer

Still sticking to rVp, our flying Dutch man has taken time out to talk to the media Vultures about some teams.

rVp launched his first attack on the BarcAliens.

He says, “Barcelona players tend to nag about everything that happens on the pitch. I was a bit disappointed with that”.

rVp must be disappointed about the BarcAliens but he has to understand that these Aliens talk too much because their exploits on the pitch “speak” for them most times. rVp should not forget that he was in Nou Camp for almost an hour but he didn’t shoot any ball at Victor V’s goal. He was part of the Arsenal team that made history in the Champions League for all the wrong reasons.

I wish some Barcelona players can be gagged. The biggest metal gag should be put on Xavi’s mouth.

rVp also launched another verbal attack on the blue section of the top 4, Man City and the Cashlings. Chelsea burnt £71m on two players. FT9 and that Puyol hair wannabe Luiz. The Brazilian bloke has done well since moving from Benfica while Torres has been utter shite. May be Drogba went to the Ivory Coast for another Shevchenko and Pizzaro like formula. Just kidding

The only scary thing about Luiz was that after scoring that first goal against Man City, some Chelsea fans on my BlackBerry Messenger had plans for his arse. You can see it on the picture below


Gay Mothaskunkers

Man City has spent over £∞ in the past 3 years and have won………..

Chelsea on the other won the double last season but hasn’t really hit top gear this season like we fucking care. They are in third place and we intend to make them stay that way.

Aaron Ramsey has been given the honour by Gary Speed to captain the Welsh national team in the European Championship qualifier against England tomorrow. That will definitely be a boost for the young lad. Captaining his national team at 20 when oafs like Bellamy and the World’s best left footed Chimpanzee are still around is definitely an amazing feat.

Ramsey says that he’s going to fight to win his place back in the Arsenal squad.  We all know that the youngling was progressing massively before dear ol’ Shawcross broke his leg in two fucking places. Some people feel that Ramsey’s injury paved the way for Wilshere but they are clearly mistaken. Jack Wilshere is where he is right now because of one man. AW the Alchemist.

There’s this adage I learnt when I watched a Nollywood movie a few years back. “What the old man sees when he is sitting on a chair, the young man standing on a palm tree can never see it”.

When Wilshere was loaned to Bolton last season, he was extremely impressive. MadMan Coyle came around again to kiss AW the Alchemist’s arse for Wilshere’s services but AW the Alchemist declined his offer. AW the Alchemist cleared our doubt when Wilshere was introduced in the first team when we played Liverpool in Anfield Transylvania. We all know how indispensable Wilshere is to us now.

I also thought that Ramsey would be introduced in our squad next season but AW the Alchemist knew better. Even after loan spells at Nottingham Forest and Cardiff, I would prefer to see Ramsey and Wilshere against Blackburn because it seems as if Song has applied to go to the same school with Thomas Vermaelen. I would prefer our players to be “Ramseyd” instead of being Diabyfied or Denilsonated. Denilson’s winning accuracy this season with Arsenal is at 33%, I wouldn’t want to see hm start any other game for us. If we are 4-0 up, he can come on as a substitute for Ramsey or Wilshere. At least if he wants to be a fully fledged cock we wouldn’t give a ram’s large scrotal sac.

England’s U-21 manager Stuart Pearce had told the media Vultures that Jack Wilshere will take part in the European Under-21 Championship that will take place in Viking land.

Wilshere is a spirited young lad that has the will of a tiger and the stamina of an ox. I just hope that he won’t be “burnt out” at the start of next season.

Speaking of Ox, we have been with the Chambered Ox again. This time we are fighting for his signature with our bitter rivals Twitch FC. For AW the Alchemist to be very keen in acquiring this lad’s services, he must be something. I just hope that we won’t be outmatched when Southampton besides to tell both sides to bring out their cheque books. You know how we missed out on Smalling. He has become “something” in Man Utd. He definitely would have given us a better job than Squillaci.

Vermaelen says that the “work” he has done off the pitch will make him become a better defender when he comes back. That’s after eternity I guess, if there’s a date for that. I miss that Belgian Verminator though. I guess we’ll have to wait till next season.

Chuck Bass is at it again. He sent a link to my email this morning. You won’t believe what you’ll read but Chelsea’s Petr Cech said that Arsenal deemed him not good enough . Unfuckinbeleivable.

I also have another interesting article about our dear ol’ SpanEnglish goalie Almunia. Just click on his lovely name. I know you would want to.

I’ll end today’s post with a tweet from another great gooner @jaybdon.

He tweeted what AW the Alchemist said.

“A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful”.

AW the Alchemist, you old wily sly fox.

In Arsene we trust.



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